Tuesday, November 5

A Most Humiliating Ascent


The harder I try to pluck at the muck of every mood swing,
At the panic in my instinct,
The stronger the snapback and snag is of 
My knotted rebellion of DNA.

Labyrinthine yarnball of my bloodline
spilling in-between my fingers—
Every taint and tendency pool murky, irresolute.
I tug at the string, 
loosely at first, but the stubborn knot won’t give until
Finally, I am clawing at the constituents of me,
Battling the helixes of my genome with bare hands.

adenosine-darkskinbigsmile-thymine

cytosine-widehipsnarrowpatience-guanine

adenosine-ballnoseandclosemouthed-thymine

cytosine-funnybonegutturalgroan-guanine

Rung by rung, I fever dream my way up this 
Sick and shoddy ladder;
What humiliating ascent!

What strange science is this that I cannot algorithm 
My way out of?
Is no protein acid chain I can inject to synthesize joy.
Miserable woman that I am, indeed.

Still, I kick and scream at this plight,
Will not go gently into that good night;
The blood of the Lamb
Spilling inbetween God’s fingers.

About: a self-portait, I suppose. 

post script: references from Dylan Thomas in Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night and the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:24